A pastor became very concerned when he had been hearing confessions from all the men of his church. They all confessed of un clean thoughts and some of acts of adultery. They all had one thing in common. 
they all spoke of a new woman in the parish named Pussy Green.

One day during mass just as the preist was getting ready to give his sermon condeming adultury the doors of the church flew open and in walked the most beautiful and very seductive woman he had seen. She proceeded to the first pew and sat down in a very inappropriate position. 

He covered the microphone and leaned over to the alter boy at his side and said " son is that Pussey Green?"

The boy looked at the woman and made a reassuring look on his face and replied "no father thats just a reflection from the stained glass window"

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper. " "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking fancy meal! " "I know all that. " "Then why did you invite a friend for supper? " "Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married. "

A man died in a horrible fire. The mortician thought it was George, but the body was so badly burned that somebody would need to make a positive identification. That task fell to George's two friends, Joe and Al. 

Joe: "He's burnt pretty bad, all right. Roll him over." Joe looked at the dead man's buttocks and said, "Nope, that ain't George." 

Thinking the incident strange, the mortician straightened up the body and said nothing. He brought in Al. 

Al: "Wow, he's burnt to a crisp. Roll him over." Again, "Nope, that ain't George."

Mortician: "How can you tell?"

Al: "George had two assholes."

Mortician: "What? How could he have two assholes?"

Al: "Everybody knew George had two assholes. Whenever the three of us would go into town you'd hear people say, "Here comes George with those two assholes!"